The days of my life are zipping past me at such an unnatural pace that it has become quite impossible to stand up on my own legs oncee i have buckled down. No matter the immense support that i can feel all around, sometimes i have to do things alone.
A lonely loner alone.
Mistakes of my past are catcvhing up to me and i can only postpone the inevitable as much as i can. Before long i will be overwhelmed and when that day, that moment announces its arrival i will make sure i don't drag anybody along with me. It has been nearly a month now since the time i last came online and it might well be another 2-3 months before i grace the blogworld again. Blame it on the pressures that threaten to engulf me or blame it on me for not taking care of issues i should have dealt with long ago.
Somebody asked me not long back....how serious was i regarding my future. 3 years back, i would have been scratching my head or trying to avoid the question. Today... i still try to avoid the question, but my mind is made up about the next step. And when the next question is what have i done towards it.... i just clamp up! I mean how do i answer that? I have sown the seeds, i am monitoring it....just give it time....it will reap. That is all i ask.
Camellia... of all people, blasted me for being so insensitive towards my life, my fucking future. I can't shout back at her. She wouldn't understand unless she was in my shoes. Some people might wonder what kick i get out of whining about my problems in something so public as a blog. To them i would just say, am not here to find solutions. This is my own space and my life has always been an open book.
50 years down the line, if i still manage to wake up every morning, it would be a helluva experience reliving my wonder years through this blog. By laughing at my own pathetic writing or by threating to tear off my hair by reading those non-sensical suicide posts (as Abby and Nusrath says) or even maybe by teaching my grandkids (if that is entirely possible) about how i stood up every time i fell.
LIFE is one bloody expensive ticket to VEGAS. You buy it, you get burned. You don't, you miss out the fun.
There is a consequence for every action. The only way to live through that is to accept it and not look back. Coz when the night fades, dawn beckons...
FL
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