The days of my life are zipping past me at such an unnatural pace that it has become quite impossible to stand up on my own legs oncee i have buckled down. No matter the immense support that i can feel all around, sometimes i have to do things alone.

A lonely loner alone.

Mistakes of my past are catcvhing up to me and i can only postpone the inevitable as much as i can. Before long i will be overwhelmed and when that day, that moment announces its arrival i will make sure i don't drag anybody along with me. It has been nearly a month now since the time i last came online and it might well be another 2-3 months before i grace the blogworld again. Blame it on the pressures that threaten to engulf me or blame it on me for not taking care of issues i should have dealt with long ago.

Somebody asked me not long serious was i regarding my future. 3 years back, i would have been scratching my head or trying to avoid the question. Today... i still try to avoid the question, but my mind is made up about the next step. And when the next question is what have i done towards it.... i just clamp up! I mean how do i answer that? I have sown the seeds, i am monitoring it....just give it will reap. That is all i ask.

Camellia... of all people, blasted me for being so insensitive towards my life, my fucking future. I can't shout back at her. She wouldn't understand unless she was in my shoes. Some people might wonder what kick i get out of whining about my problems in something so public as a blog. To them i would just say, am not here to find solutions. This is my own space and my life has always been an open book.

50 years down the line, if i still manage to wake up every morning, it would be a helluva experience reliving my wonder years through this blog. By laughing at my own pathetic writing or by threating to tear off my hair by reading those non-sensical suicide posts (as Abby and Nusrath says) or even maybe by teaching my grandkids (if that is entirely possible) about how i stood up every time i fell.

LIFE is one bloody expensive ticket to VEGAS. You buy it, you get burned. You don't, you miss out the fun.

There is a consequence for every action. The only way to live through that is to accept it and not look back. Coz when the night fades, dawn beckons...


6 heartbeats:

Raj said...

BULLLSHITTT!!!!u'l bak here sun frelancaa!!

Shruti said...

Welcome back after that long hiatus!
One can see the emotional turmoil u r goin thru.. it happens!
In tht case if today someone asks me the exact ques, i wud be flummoxed to even answer- what i want to be? what i want from life? blah blah questions.

It's a phase everyone goes thru.. i liked ur way of answering-
"I have sown the seeds, i am monitoring it....just give it will reap"..

Don't worry, let nature take it's own course.. n like i always say- goinwid d flow, is wat one shud do!!

Yellow Tulip said...

wow...tat was over whelming post dear... do take care..

All the very best in wat ever u do..
dont worry...hope to see u smiling always...
take care

Aarthi said...

Hey FL,

Sigh! What to say dear...

You know my friggin; life as well... Its all about ups and downs and what really gives us jitters is not the ups we see...but the times we are low!

Each second passes away... leaving memories behind. Some of them are worth remembering and some are bound to be flushed! :)

Live with your head held high. It hurts when you look down upon yourself boy! You are strong... :) Be that way! Hugs! :)

Anonymous said...

What happened to you???!!!

You got possessed or something???

Abby said...

aaaaaaawwwwwwww wat a sob story.......piss off.......:p

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