This may very well be the last post of mine in this blog. Or it may not be. But for the first time the chances of the blog being closed is paramount. My life... i have seen a lot in these last 22 years, gone through a lot, enjoyed a lot, lived my life fully. But the only thing that was constant in my life for the last 5 years is no more.
Amidst this spiraling orbit of mine, Maddy has been only constant one in my life. I have seen people come and go, tragedies pass and come, love shared and lost and in all those times she has been like a shadow. Always by my side, comforting me at times, fighting with me at other times. But always together. We always had this knowledge that we can never be separated, never be apart. And then last night, we broke up.
Yes we talked about breaking up before, millions of times before. But somewhere in our heart's we always knew that it wasn't supposed to be. But why doesn't it feel the same this time?? This time it feels its over. Really over. And that thought is terrifying.
When i met her 5 years ago, i had no idea that she would be the one i would eventually fall for. I was just ditched by my ex for some other guy that time. I tried everything. It didn't work out. Maybe i should have tried more. But i don't regret it anymore. I met Maddy. Its been more than 3 and a half years now that we have been a couple. 18th Jan,2006.... Maddy finally said YES to me! And since then, we have passed every obstacle together. Today, without her, i don't feel like living anymore. She has moved on. She can live without me, she made that clear. But me? I have already given my heart to her. Its for her to care for it or squish it. But one thing is clear as crystal to me, it won't belong to anyone else. I have lived my share of life. This second break-up is the last.
Its her birthday in a few days. 18th sept. We would have completed 3 years and 8 months by then. I will keep trying till her bday. I don't think she would want me anywhere near her that day, but i will try i know that. I can only sacrifice some things. I can't give up the world. I am, after all a human. The price of being in love is sometimes so high that it forces you to stay between a rock and a hard place. I may not be the best guy out there for her, but i have loved her more than the bestest guy. Sometimes that's not enough. I don't blame her. I blame myself for being me.
I doubt i would survive this.
Anyways folks, this blog won't be updated anymore. Not until she is back or not until a long time. I thank you all for following my shitty life till now.
Until the miracle happens,
its FREELANCER a.k.a Mridu
wishing you an awesome life ahead...
Love you loads friends...
A very good morning people
The Sun is way up in the sky and it definitely has fever. I can feel the heat even here in Chennai. Days are dragging on very slowly man! Need an adrenaline rush. Nothing exciting ever happens in this god-forsaken place. Money is slowly dwindling from my wallet.
Anyways i have been trying out new poetry forms after a long hiatus. The iambic meter screwed my head until i finally figured it out. Hats off to Shakespeare for using this stuff. I so hate you! Read in Kajal's blog that someone was stealing her poems. Bloody Losers! Can't even write one and here they come to steal. Faggots! Reminded me that i had to copyright mine.
I think Rose has left this blog for good. Its just me and my crap now. No official announcement yet. I just hope that announcement never comes. She is an awesome blogger and an awesome friend though sometimes i have to wait for months to hear a word from her. Grrrr. Esther has challenged me openly in Farmville. hehe. I accepted. Baap se panga legi bachhi!!! And what happened to ANGIE's Rehab Reject? Man i miss her spicy life! All good blogs get deleted one way or the other. First it was dear ol' PINK ORCHID, now REHAB REJECT. hehe...mine will always be here. Bear it buddies :P
Maddy tried waking me up early in the morning. She had to go shopping. God knows how she restrained herself from kicking my balls. By the time we woke up it was too late to go shopping. She had to return back soon. Bro prepared breakfast. Bread and scrambled eggs and cold coffee. He is definitely learning.
By 11, i went and dropped Maddy to the bus-stand. We still were not on perfect talking terms. She left, i returned back. Fought over the cellphone then patched up again. Slept till 5, then remembered that i had to wash my clothes! Mummy! they were in surf for two days. lols! By 6 i was free. Bhabi went to parlor while i went in search of samosa.
I learnt one thing today. Never trust your friends to come to your aid in Mafia Wars when you are fighting with a girl! bloody hell. I lost within a couple of eye-blinks. Grrr...
Night was peaceful. Except for a couple of mosquitoes who made the mistake of thinking that my blood was nectar to them. Splat Splat! That was the end of the dynamic duo. :P
Dinner was good. I was pretty hungry and hogged like a pig.
Right now, am feverishly waiting for Smallville's new season opening. Just one more day to go. *fingers crossed*
I love Louis Lane
Until the next time,
its FL signing off
Yes! I remember when i was young i used to wait for this day. Buy cards for Teacher's, take part in the festivities. Life was fun when we were kids.
Mahasweta rang me up and reminded me it's Teacher's Day. She wanted our Princi's number, which i somehow managed to lose. Still i had one of our ex-english ma'am's number. So rang her up and wished those around her. See i am a good dude. And still quite popular in my old school. :)
So the plan made last night to go to Pondicherry finally surface, though a bit late than proposed. We were ready by 10...reached CMBT by 12 :P
It was a horrible bus journey. Bro and Bhabi sat cuddled in each other's arms and i had to sit with a taklu ass who had problems sleeping in the seat. Plus i had the seat just behind the driver. It was sheer torture. He was driving at about 20 km/hr on the highway. I tried to look at the speedometer but nothing seemed to be working at the panel. Just one of those days where you know you just have to grind your teeth and bear it. Halfway down the journey, a chap came and sat near the engine part of the bus. And thus started his conversations with the driver. The speed plummeted from 20 to 10km/hr.
We reached there by 3. I love Pondicherry. Its a helluva place. Had lunch in Le Club..some grilled pork toast and beer. Yumm!! Alcohol is damn cheap over there. After lunch headed to another bar. I made my way to pick up Maddy. Got some roses and waited at her bus-stop to surprise her. Got a shock instead. She reached home earlier that day and rang up bro to ask him of my whereabouts. AND there ol' bro told her i was in Pondicherry!!!
Lols. So we met and then went to the beach where bro and bhabi were waiting/drinking. :P
Sizzler's!! Yum!!! Had beef sizzler for dinner. (You must have guessed till now that i eat anything related to meat :P) Me and Bro had beef, maddy and her roomies had chicken while bhabi had chicken. it was sizzler all the way! Made our way to the bus stand and finally got a bus by 9. Maddy was pissed at me for some reason. I was allowed to suffer in silence!
Aarthi was on her way to Dilli. So rang her up before sleeping off.
Its nearly midnight now. Had a pretty strenuous day. :P :D
Talked to Rose...after so many months. Am HAPPY!!!!
Love you all
Am back.... atleast for a few more days. Abby finally managed to move my lazy fingers and type something over here. So the whole month of August is over. I was seldom here. Too lazy to type. Absent from TWL for about a month now. I wonder why they haven't kicked me out already. Alright here's the deal. I was hit by the flu bug again....not the swine one... but the regular random flu that manages to glue itself to me nearly all the year round. Plus i was outta station for the last part of the month. Hence...no updates.. :P
As you all know... my college declared holidays! Am still celebrating...no waking up early mornings, no sleeping in classes and sweating out to the mess hall....no this, no that. My roomie left for home and i was stuck with the other two psycho's. So i happily packed up my bags and headed to Bro's place....much to his dismay/delight...lol.
Bloody boring day. An apt description. I woke up way past 2p.m. Bro was already online playing mafia wars. He crossed me while i was out of station. Grrrr. We have this race to use the lappy. Whoever wakes up first, uses the lappy first. :P
Though its my lappy, it's his place. So my tiny advantage doesn't hold over here. And i can't even whine! :(
And thus i waited and waited for my frigging time. He was lucky bhabi went to work. Else she would have let me have my way! My chweeet bhabi. haha! So bhai had all the fun while she was not present.
My stomach grumbled sometime soon. Bhabi returned by 5. And i went in search of dosa :P
The clouds that gathered couldn't control themselves and thus they pissed. As i came out of the atm, i was stuck. It was a bloody downpour that showed no signs of receding. The street dhabas that mae dosas closed shop by the time i reached and i had to return with a frigging bread! Curse you clouds!!! Bhabi was tired...so for a change bro cooked. Scrambled eggs. Not that hard, but quite an achievement considering it was my bro who was cooking. (he made it clear to me btw that he was going to report my blog as spam). Lols.
And before i knew it they went to their room and slept off. And man they slept!! Didn't see their faces again till today morning. hehe. (i doubt about the only sleeping part. :P)
I was online in FB chatting happily with Esther and others and playing the silly games that i am hooked to. Aarthi rang up. She was coming to Chennai. By the time it was midnight, i was hungry again. Cooked Top Ramen (all by myself) and the slept off after taking care of my farm in FB.
Hmmm...that's it i guess. Still a bit rusty, after all these gaps. So until the next time....its me signing off...now you can go read other blogs. My blog isn't that addictive :P
Having beer now btw. Bhabi and Bro has off-day tomorrow. Planning to go to Pondicherry tomorrow. Lets see, if the plans made while drunk actually surfaces. :P
See you tomorrow. Somebody remind me to update if you actually miss me... hehe...
Love ye loads.