This may very well be the last post of mine in this blog. Or it may not be. But for the first time the chances of the blog being closed is paramount. My life... i have seen a lot in these last 22 years, gone through a lot, enjoyed a lot, lived my life fully. But the only thing that was constant in my life for the last 5 years is no more.
Amidst this spiraling orbit of mine, Maddy has been only constant one in my life. I have seen people come and go, tragedies pass and come, love shared and lost and in all those times she has been like a shadow. Always by my side, comforting me at times, fighting with me at other times. But always together. We always had this knowledge that we can never be separated, never be apart. And then last night, we broke up.
Yes we talked about breaking up before, millions of times before. But somewhere in our heart's we always knew that it wasn't supposed to be. But why doesn't it feel the same this time?? This time it feels its over. Really over. And that thought is terrifying.
When i met her 5 years ago, i had no idea that she would be the one i would eventually fall for. I was just ditched by my ex for some other guy that time. I tried everything. It didn't work out. Maybe i should have tried more. But i don't regret it anymore. I met Maddy. Its been more than 3 and a half years now that we have been a couple. 18th Jan,2006.... Maddy finally said YES to me! And since then, we have passed every obstacle together. Today, without her, i don't feel like living anymore. She has moved on. She can live without me, she made that clear. But me? I have already given my heart to her. Its for her to care for it or squish it. But one thing is clear as crystal to me, it won't belong to anyone else. I have lived my share of life. This second break-up is the last.
Its her birthday in a few days. 18th sept. We would have completed 3 years and 8 months by then. I will keep trying till her bday. I don't think she would want me anywhere near her that day, but i will try i know that. I can only sacrifice some things. I can't give up the world. I am, after all a human. The price of being in love is sometimes so high that it forces you to stay between a rock and a hard place. I may not be the best guy out there for her, but i have loved her more than the bestest guy. Sometimes that's not enough. I don't blame her. I blame myself for being me.
I doubt i would survive this.
Anyways folks, this blog won't be updated anymore. Not until she is back or not until a long time. I thank you all for following my shitty life till now.
Until the miracle happens,
its FREELANCER a.k.a Mridu
wishing you an awesome life ahead...
Love you loads friends...
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